Remember Your Rights
You are an equal member of the IEP team according to IDEA. If you do not understand something, pause and ask for an explanation. You can ask for time to review the completed document before agreeing when you are unsure about any part of the plan.
"I've sat at over 500 IEP tables."
I'm Mary, a Special Education Advocate and the founder of The Advocate Ally. I created this special education resource because too many parents feel pressured to accept generic, "cookie-cutter" IEPs.
The guidance below is grounded in the same practical, document-based questions I raise in IEP meetings every day. Use it to ask for clearer, more individualized support for your child.
Mary
Founder, The Advocate Ally
Before the Meeting
Request the complete discipline file and any incident reports immediately.
Gather private medical or psychological records linking the behavior to the disability.
Review the current IEP: Was a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) done? Was the Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) actually followed?
During the Meeting: The Two Legal Questions
Question 1: Was the conduct caused by, or did it have a direct and substantial relationship to, the child's disability?
Question 2: Was the conduct the direct result of the school's failure to implement the IEP?
If the answer to EITHER is yes, the school cannot expel the student and must return them to their placement.
During the Meeting: Fighting the Expulsion
Point out if the school failed to follow the BIP. If they failed to implement it, it is a manifestation by default.
Argue that impulsivity, poor emotional regulation, or social deficits (common in ADHD/Autism) directly relate to the incident.
If they determine it was NOT a manifestation, state that you disagree and immediately ask for a Due Process hearing form.
🚩 Red Flags During the Meeting
Watch for these warning signs — they may indicate that important decisions need more discussion or documentation.
The school presents a 'finished' IEP for you to sign at the meeting
What to say:
Say: 'I appreciate the draft, but I'm an equal member of the IEP team under IDEA. I'd like to discuss each section before anything is finalized, and I need time to review the completed document before I agree.'
How the audit helps:
Our audit reviews whether parent concerns and important team decisions are documented clearly in the IEP.
The team rushes through the meeting and discourages questions
What to say:
Say: 'I need more time to understand this section. Can we slow down? If we need to schedule a continuation meeting, that's my right under IDEA.'
How the audit helps:
Upload your IEP after the meeting to identify written sections that may still need clarification.
An administrator who doesn't know your child makes placement decisions
What to say:
Say: 'With respect, you haven't worked with my child. I'd like to hear from the people who interact with them daily — the teacher and therapists — before we discuss placement.'
How the audit helps:
We check whether placement decisions in the IEP are supported by the evaluation data and Present Levels.
The school says 'we don't do that here' when you request a service or accommodation
What to say:
Say: 'Under IDEA, the IEP is based on my child's needs — not what the school currently offers. If you're refusing this request, I need that in a Prior Written Notice with your reasoning.'
How the audit helps:
Our audit flags service language that may be vague, missing, or disconnected from documented needs.
Want the Ultimate Meeting Prep?
Upload the IEP to identify written sections worth discussing, then use the findings to prepare focused meeting priorities and questions.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a manifestation determination review (MDR)?
Can my child still be suspended during the MDR process?
What if the MDR decides the behavior was NOT a manifestation?
Review your IEP before the meeting
Upload your child's IEP to identify the written sections and questions worth prioritizing at the meeting.
Start Free Audit